I Touch the Fire and it Freezes Me

I abhor Winter. Let me rephrase that: I hate Winter in certain locations of the planet; namely where it’s f-ing cold. The problem is I have a circulatory disorder, Raynaud’s (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raynaud%27s_phenomenon [quite patriotic, isn't it?]), and it’s not merely uncomfortable but can be quite painful. It’s also a tad scary–the thought of (my own) amputation is not a pleasant one. I can hold onto a steaming cup of liquid without feeling that it’s burning me. For someone who works with their hands this is a living nightmare. My hands are usually numb/tingling which makes drawing and painting difficult. This doesn’t just physically affect me, there are mental afflictions. This year has been pretty bad–I feel as if I’m developing a phobia of being cold. The idea of freezing has gone beyond not wanting to be uncomfortable; it has reached a level to where I will not leave my home for the fear of my body reacting negatively to cold and mentally feeling miserable due to this.

My art suffers greatly in the Winter. The last time I drew anything was a sketch for a personal project. It was the cover to a collaborative sketch book that I’m trading with my best friend. Every year it’s a vicious cycle of playing catch up with all the ideas I’ve had throughout the Winter but haven’t been able to complete. I also feel as if I have to brush up on my skills because I’m out of practice. Spring is a time of renewal/rebirth/starting over/anew, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t the kind of renewals that are intended.

However all this isn’t to say I’ve been completely unproductive. I’ve been able to be more active with on-line art communities. I’ve also been taking advantage of sitting on my ass in front of the space heater to get alot of sewing done. I’ve been making arm warmers, wrist bands, alternative styled knit hats for babies/toddlers, and pouches/bags. Sewing is still difficult, the numbing makes me very fumbly, but it’s doable and not as disappointing/frustrating as not being able to draw. Pictures of my current crafting aren’t up because I’m doing an assembly line style production, (as my boyfriend references it), of crafting. I make the items–as many as I feel possible, and then the next day(s) I’ll accessorize/decorate them. My goal today is to make a mess of my living room with all my fancy beads, laces, and doodads to do just that. So pictures should be posted in the next day or so.

Exposing Thyself

This will probably be my fifth attempt to have a sort of on-line journal; technically a second attempt at a blog. Years ago I was going to do a goth themed blog–writing reviews on gothic pop culture, (is that an oxy moron?), art, and posting about material goodies. I wrote one post and never blogged again. My problem is I detest writing, and I don’t like on-line journals. I feel it exposes too much of myself in a medium I’m not comfortable with. I prefer to show my inner sewage visually, not verbally. I’m also a perfectionist. I feel I can’t sit here for hours editing my entry. To me these are rough drafts and I don’t do rough drafts. I either finish something completely to it’s utmost potential or I set it down to become shuffled around, torn, lost, or (when I had pets) the work either became products of digestion or became bowel placemats. Either way, rough drafts are synonymous with shit.

Paradoxically enough I can’t escape writing, and even do it as a side project, (what can I say, I’m a sadist). I am an on-going contributer to the Chicago dark arts publication, Kilter Magazine ( www.kiltermagazine.org/ ).

They were gracious enough to feature some of my art in their Fall 2009 issue. Which leads to me to the reason I’m attempting another blog. A) I feel it will strengthen my skills as a writer, and to not procrastinate as one. B) It’s more exposure as an artist. For the past few days I’ve been joining, and re-establishing already existing profiles, on networking sites. I can’t express enough how much I want to be involved in the arts industry. Not only would it be wonderful to make it my full time “job” but to be surrounded by the creative brains, (Hey, we’re talking about the distant future here. We are all going to be a bunch of soft blue-glowing brains in sleek floating jars.), of the art world. C) This will allow me to make more connections and friends in the industry. I love waxing poetic with other artists and learning from them. I’m self taught and I tend to run into trouble during certain projects. It’ll be nice to have others to turn to when I need advice. At least, that’s a hope of mine–if anyone out there decides to read this.

My number one goal for this year is to have income revenue from my artwork. I work part-time in retail, which helps me survive and allows me to purchase what I need for arts sake. So now it’s time to take what I have and turn it into profit. It isn’t easy, you have spend alot of money in order to earn it; I’m prepared.

Thank you for reading. Suggestions, comments, followers are more than welcome. I’ll be posting other sites that I’m active on so that if you’re a member you can add me as a contact.

-Case